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<title>Hank Huff and the Case of the Desperate Dame by AsherMirs</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24059767">Hank Huff and the Case of the Desperate Dame</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsherMirs/pseuds/AsherMirs'>AsherMirs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fox Crime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Detective Noir, Don't Read This, F/M, Fox Crime - Freeform, I Don't Even Know, I'm Trying to Win Literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award, Mary Sue, Most Obscure Character of All Time, The Fedora Stays ON, crack porn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:34:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24059767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsherMirs/pseuds/AsherMirs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hank huff is the most sought after Private Eye in the city, tonight he is presented with the strangest case of his career.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hank Huff/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hank Huff and the Case of the Desperate Dame</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night was young and rainy. The raindrops hit the window behind him as he sat in his office awaiting the next dame to come through the door, pleading for him to take her case. He sat back in his chair and put his feet up on the desk next to the silent blower. It was a quiet night for Hank Huff, the top gumshoe in the city. Huff thought back on his last job as he lit up a lucky, what a case that was. Who would have expected- his thoughts were cut short as the door to his office opened.</p><p>Hank sat up and put his cigarette down. Just then he laid eyes on the prettiest skirt he'd ever seen. A real dish, he thought. He would be lying if he said he wasn't immediately attracted. He adjusted his fedora before he spoke.</p><p>"What can I do for you, doll?" the sleuth said. He readied himself for anything and everything. P.I. work is never too normal, ya know. It could be anything from a missing person, to a stolen item, to murder.</p><p>"I'm afraid this case might be a bit out of the ordinary, Detective Huff" she said. The dick chuckled under his breath, he doubted anything would surprise him at this point in his career.</p><p>"Try me." Hank picked up his cigarette and took a drag.</p><p>"You see, I haven't lost anything. Rather, I'd like to lose something." The P.I. furrowed his brow. He racked his brain, what was this lady trying to say? Why was she here?</p><p>"I don't understand," Huff admitted, "go on."</p><p>"I've never had any real relationships in my life," his client explained, "I have no experience with men." Hank put the cigarette down once again and placed his hands together on his desk.</p><p>"I'm still not gettin' it, hon."</p><p>"I want you to take my virginity." Huff sat up straight.</p><p>"What? What you want me to-"</p><p>"Yes! That is exactly what I want!" She interrupted him, she was eager to hear his response. Would he accept her case?</p><p>Huff knew the dangers of getting dizzy with a dame, men in his line of work could never get close to their clients. Relationships would always end in disaster, he thought. His mind beat against her, he wasn't a sap... But his heart? And his... Well, loneliness does a number on a guy. There was nothing he wanted more than to give into this femme fetale, just for one night. After all, isn't that why she sought him? No, he thought to himself, that’s askin’ for trouble.</p><p>"Enough bumpin’ gums," Huff barked. He'd had enough of this nonsense. </p><p>"There's no way I can do that, I'm a private eye, not a street walker!" He finished. He knew detective work was dirty, but come on!</p><p>"Oh but you must! There's nowhere else I can turn, detective!"</p><p>"Every P.I. in town turn you down or somethin'? There's no way I'm the only egg left for you."</p><p>"But you are! There's no one as handsome and skilled as you, Hank Huff!" This woman really was desperate, huh? Flattery will get you everywhere. If he were her last hope, then maybe...</p><p>The detective made up his mind after a moment of silence, perhaps one night with a dame wouldn't hurt. He was never one to turn down a job, especially one so thrilling. It would be a win-win, an open and shut kind of case, one night. He stood up and walked around the desk. He towered over her and he held out his hand for her to take. Her eyes stared up into his intensely hypnotizing forest green eyes, she took his hand and got up from her chair.</p><p>"You've really put a fella behind the eight-ball, babe," Hank said, his hand letting go of hers. His large hands found their way on the dame's waist, so tiny in comparison, he thought as he bit his lip. He leaned over to get closer to her face. Her mouth quickly found his, the red lipstick she wore leaving a mark on his lips.</p><p>"I want to do this right," she continued, "sit back down in your chair and get comfortable, Detective Huff." He obeyed, knowing what was to come. She sat on his lap, lips at his pipes as she loosened his tie. Her hands had been wrapped around his shoulders, soon they found their way down his body to remove the suspenders he had been wearing. She worked quickly to unbutton his shirt with the suspenders having been disregarded. One of the dame's mitts found itself upon his shoulder once more while the other ran down his now exposed chest. Her hand grazed slowly, feeling every up and down movement that came with his breathing and every hair upon his chest. She tried to take his hat but Hank stopped her.</p><p>“Ah ah, no. The fedora stays on during sex, baby,” said Hank. She nodded her head, understanding the sanctity of the fedora. She went back to playing with his chest hair and kissing along his collarbone. Huff sat comfortably and enjoyed the sensation until her weight was lifted from him.</p><p>The skirt left his lap and made herself comfortable between his sizable thighs. Hank took this opportunity to reach into the cabinet beside him and pour himself a nice stiff drink. He found his forgotten smoke in the ashtray and picked that up as well. His client stroked his thighs, he hummed to himself, savoring the attention he found himself immensely needing. His heart raced as his pants were unbuttoned by the dame, how long had it been since he last experienced anything like this? She pawed at the private eye's parts. He had a large bulge, as in an advantage over her, but also a massive erection in his pants. He took a sip of his drink just as she released his humongous dick. It was so big, very big, the biggest anyone would ever lay eyes on. She was in awe at the sheer size of him.</p><p>"Not too bad, eh sweetie?" He smirked down at her but her gaze never left his colossal mammoth of a member. Like god damn, I can't put into words how big and thick that P.I.'s peepee is.</p><p>"Probably not the best for a first timer, I'd reckon," he added. She didn't respond, instead sliding him right into her mouth.</p><p>"Hrr Hrnnmm Mmmm!"</p><p>"What? I can't understand you with a mouth full of cock."</p><p>"Oh, sorry! You're so thick!" She plunged back down on his girthy penis. He took a drag from his dying cig as she slobbered on his schlong and became significantly wet. Thank god the floor was wood, surely if it had been carpet Huff would need a cleaner to remove the stain her pussy puddle would have caused. She had three orgasms just sucking off such an attractive dick.</p><p>"Mmm, oh Hank! Take me now!" She yelled. Huff was glad no one was around to hear her loud words, though he did think about how sexy it would be for someone to have heard. It made him harder and hotter for the sex about to happen. He lifted her on the table effortlessly and slammed into her with all his might, which was a lot because Huff was a very strong man. She instantly had a fourth orgasm, the contractions around his dick felt amazing. He leaned into her and kept thrusting, focusing on the pleasure the walls of her vagina granted him. This went on for many hours. She moaned.</p><p>Countless lady orgasm later, Hank was close to reaching his end. He thrusted a few more times before he finally closed the gap. His climax was cosmic like one of those Little Debbie brownies. He saw stars and they were colorful just like the little candies on those brownies. His cock produced so much semen it could have been bottled like milk. He filled up the broad with his extremely masculine cum. Oops, he thought, probably shoulda pulled out. Once Huff felt completely satisfied he pulled himself out of the chick. Everything spilled onto the floor. He was really thankful for not having a carpet now.</p><p>"Oh my god, Hank! I love you! You complete me!" The skirt he just used to deposit his seed in exclaimed.</p><p>"I could get used to this."</p><p>"Me too! Let's get married and have a baby!"</p><p>And so they did, not that the baby part was a choice, Hank already impregnated the woman so... Hank Huff and the unnamed dolly got married. They had a son which they named Hank Jr and he became just as cool and suave as his rough and tough father. They all lived happily ever after. And so ended the case of the desperate dame. The best part? That broad is you!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lord help me if anyone important finds this shit.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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